Gardening and Beauty

 

 

 

With Baby M gone, I find myself spending a lot of time in my yard. I have a few new plants that we put in the ground at the beginning of spring. The yarrow, verbena, various herbs I planted all now established and growing well. I love the way the bright yellow yarrow complements the purple of the butterfly bush and the verbena adds some much needed pops of color. We discovered this morning that a set of birds have built a nest in our honeysuckle. I'm not sure what kind of birds they are, they are grey with white tails.

In my gardening adventure, I have been reading about the benefits of adding Epsom salt around the base of the plants or adding it to the water when I give them their daily drink. I have now done this twice, once a week. I noticed an almost immediate difference. They went from looking like scrawny transplants to lush and well established plants overnight. The tomatoes especially seemed to take off. And for our family there is nothing better than the taste of a home grown tomato right of the vine, eaten like an apple.

So in reading about the benefits of Epsom salts, I read that one of the many benefits is that the magnesium can calm and refresh skin and sulfur is key in building up collagen. I decided I would experiment with the Epsom salts and made a very simple mask for my face. After washing my face at night, I just put a small amount of Epsom salts in my hand and a few drops of water and let it dissolve. Then I spread the mixture all of my face and my hands.  In the last three days I have noticed that my skin seems softer, my pores are finer and my skin is tighter and moisturized. I have also noticed that the redness has faded as well. This is such an easy thing to add to my nightly beauty routine and the results are quite noticeable. Today a friend at church complemented me on my skin. I will continue with this regimen. If you decide to give it a try, please let me know.

The Relaxing Weekend

Our first weekend with Baby M gone has been a relaxing one. I planned this weekend for just Mr. Walls and me to spend some much needed time together. The kids went off to my mom's. We have not had a date weekend since last fall so this was a real treat. Our weekend has included some much needed time for talking, dreaming, napping, great food, and of course a few chores. It has been so quiet and that is good. One of the things I'm dreaming of is my new sewing studio which hopefully will get started on within the next few weeks. I still need to plan a few more things and save up some more money. But I think I know what I want.


Baby M's family sent me some darling pictures of our time together last week. Seeing his wide grin and big blue eyes made my heart just melt. It's so nice to know that he is doing well. This morning they took him to church with them for the first time. My heart is so happy that he will grow up knowing that Jesus loves him.

Baby M Update, Comany and Thoughts

Baby M's mother has been so kind to me in sending me daily texts on how he is doing. Thus far, she says he is okay and happy enough. Yesterday he enjoyed an outing to the beach where he chased seagulls. He loves birds, so I imagine him very happy. He has been wary of  new people, but that is to be understood. Poor little boy has been through so much in the last week, not to say his entire life. I am relieved to know that he has finally found his forever family and will no longer have to endure such turmoil in his life. His mother is the kind of mother that is loving, devoted and intentional. I have no doubt in my mind that he will thrive.

I miss him. I know that this Saturday they are having a special good-bye party for those who took care of him. I know his first foster family will be there as well as his aunt. The second foster family is now living out of state. We decided even before he left our care, that once he was with his new family full time, he would not see us again. It is not done out of cruelty, but out of the purpose that seeing me could confuse him. He needs to bond with his new family and not have me there to intervene. I have to admit that there is a part of me that would like to go to this party. I would like to see him once more. I would like to hold him and play with him. I would love to see him run to me with a look of relief of seeing somebody familiar once again. But that's about me. This must be about him and his new family. So the right thing to do is to stay where I'm at. I will be thinking of him, but I do that all the time.

Tonight we had the honor of having Baby M's grandparents at our home. What amazing and inspirational people. When I became Baby M's foster mother, I was given her information and asked to keep in touch with her. I felt that it was in Baby M's best interest to have his grandparents involved in his life as much as possible. I texted and emailed her pictures almost daily. Through  texting, I found her to be a loving grandmother who wanted nothing less than the best for her grandson. They bravely made the choice not to adopt him as their son, but to allow his new family to have him as they felt it was in his best interest to grow up with siblings. I'm sure that was not an easy decision to make. But in the end they see it as gaining more grandchildren through Baby M's new sisters. And I know they take this grandparent role very seriously. They were so kind to my Gideon and Esther, bringing them presents and listening to their stories and their piano playing. Gideon was so happy to receive an original Irving Berlin piano sheet music from 1914. They have us a family themed picture frame. I know that the five of us will be in that one!  It did my soul good to have them here, listen to their family stories, their testimonies,  and hearing all about their visit with Baby M today. I had tears in my eyes as they told me how good Baby M is doing with his new family and how they are continuing his routines with him. I hope that if they find themselves in our neck of the woods, that they will visit us again.

So it looks like I have officially landed the plane. And I have made some wonderful new friends in this. Baby M is already doing God's work in connecting these people.  Only God knows what will come of it in the end. But right now I am happy to know that Baby M is surrounded by love, whether it is from his new family, grandparents who are with him, or his foster families who must love him from afar.

I landed the plane....

They left with their beautiful son. A family of 5 was created in my home. An adoption happened under our roof. What an honor and priveledge!!! My heart now aches with sorrow......and joy. I have no regrets. We held nothing back, but allowed him to climb right into our home, hearts, and lives because that is what he needed to do. He deserved full and honest love. We did this to the best of our ability. Baby M's story has the happiest ending; we are blessed to play a small part in it. I walk away with empty arms, but my heart is full of beautiful memories and we have made new friends in this.

The First Visit

They came today. Baby M somehow seemed to know something was going on. He was a bundle of energy and very affectionate this morning with me. Their red van pulled up and Baby M wanted to look out the window at them. When I went to pick him up to see, he ran away and seemed to feel overwhelmed. They knocked at the door and we opened it. I was holding M and they could see him and he could see them. I think he knew that this was his family. For me, it was very muck like seeing a dear friend after a long absense.

He played with his sisters first, all the children in the living room looking at the bowl of seashells.  We spied on them and all was well. It was beautiful. Then he suddenly wanted to sit with his mother on her lap. She was surprised because at first all her advances with him were not accepted. She did so well in giving him space and he was able to come to her on his terms.  They gave him a toy lion that roars and sings jungle themed songs and a toy telephone. He loved it. Then he went outside to play with the children.

We adults chatted and got to know one another better. We shared stories and of course talked about M. They marvled at his beauty. I wholheartedly agreed.

I made M his lunch of sweet potatoe, eggs, and a banana. His mother happily fed him his lunch and he said "Na-na" for his banana.Everybody cheered. He has been working so hard on his speech and it was good for him to say a word with him today.  Then they left. They will be back tomorrow.

My feelings are all over the place. I have not been able to label them.  I think once I can do that, I will feel better. This morning I was full of excitement and joy and had no room for sadness. But after they left, I felt my loss. I knew this would come, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with these feelings. Right now I feel very tired.

Ok, I admit it! I'm a little obsessed.

Getting ready for our big day on Wednesday when the family will finally visit and start making transition with Baby M. They are leaving tonight and  arrive here tomorrow, but can't visit Baby M until paperwork is signed on Wednesday morning. I am now watching the airline website to make sure that this flight leaves on time and lands safely. OK, I'm a tiny bit obsessed. But I'm having fun with this.

Tonight Esther and I finished up our little gifts for Baby M's new sisters. I will post more about the little gifts on later post. I am happy to say they were a lot of fun to plan and make. They were the perfect project for a budding seamstress because the project calls for machine, hand and embroidery skills. And it helps that can be made very quickly. I am epecially excited about the gift for his forever mom. I will take a picture of it before I wrap it to share with you all. I hope she will like it.

Tomorrow, I will clean like madness. That will keep me busy and make me feel productive. Nothing like company coming to inspire a good and thorough cleaning. Right now I'm more excited for Baby M and his new family than anything else.

Thoughts on Landing an Airplane

Nearly ten years, Dear Husband and I were blessed to adopt Esther from an orphange in Belarus. I fondly remember our "paper pregnancy". Even though it there seemed to be a looming mountian of paperwork and tasks ahead of us, we met each one with joy and anticipation. Just one more step until our beautiful daughter would be with our family. Personally, I loved the adoption process just as much as I loved the actual adoption. To me, it felt like the perfect expecancy only with no morning sickness and moodiness I experienced  in my actual pregancy with Gideon. It was almost magicial. I can still remember our  final leg of our journey, the plane ride from Germany to the USA. We were taking off  on this new adventure with our daughter. I would soon practice all I read about bonding.

But here we are in the process of  letting this little one go. My heart is all over the place with this because we have loved this little boy. We did not put up walls to protect our hearts because I knew that he deserved full and honest love. We let him climb right into our home, lives, and hearts and take over because that is what he needed to do. He is worth it! We bonded with him and he was eager and easy to bond with.

Letting him go.....I imagine it's like landing a plane. Since I have never landed one, I am looking for every bit of information on doing this right. I can't let anything distract me from getting this plane safely on the ground. I can see the runway ahead of me. I can feel the air pockets and pressure pulling me side to side, up and down as I steady the controls.. It is a huge task, landing this plane.I have never done it before and I don't really know what I'm doing. I want everybody to arrive safe and sound and ready to get to their final destination. That is how I feel about Baby M. I want to get him happy and safe to his new family so that he can bond with them and become part of their family. A happy and relaxed child can bond much better than a anxious and frustrated child. I know touchdown is coming very soon. My job will soon be finished and I expect there will be a sense of relief that the job is done, but then will come the overwhelming emptiness of it all. I'm not sure what to do with that yet.