Thoughts on Landing an Airplane

Nearly ten years, Dear Husband and I were blessed to adopt Esther from an orphange in Belarus. I fondly remember our "paper pregnancy". Even though it there seemed to be a looming mountian of paperwork and tasks ahead of us, we met each one with joy and anticipation. Just one more step until our beautiful daughter would be with our family. Personally, I loved the adoption process just as much as I loved the actual adoption. To me, it felt like the perfect expecancy only with no morning sickness and moodiness I experienced  in my actual pregancy with Gideon. It was almost magicial. I can still remember our  final leg of our journey, the plane ride from Germany to the USA. We were taking off  on this new adventure with our daughter. I would soon practice all I read about bonding.

But here we are in the process of  letting this little one go. My heart is all over the place with this because we have loved this little boy. We did not put up walls to protect our hearts because I knew that he deserved full and honest love. We let him climb right into our home, lives, and hearts and take over because that is what he needed to do. He is worth it! We bonded with him and he was eager and easy to bond with.

Letting him go.....I imagine it's like landing a plane. Since I have never landed one, I am looking for every bit of information on doing this right. I can't let anything distract me from getting this plane safely on the ground. I can see the runway ahead of me. I can feel the air pockets and pressure pulling me side to side, up and down as I steady the controls.. It is a huge task, landing this plane.I have never done it before and I don't really know what I'm doing. I want everybody to arrive safe and sound and ready to get to their final destination. That is how I feel about Baby M. I want to get him happy and safe to his new family so that he can bond with them and become part of their family. A happy and relaxed child can bond much better than a anxious and frustrated child. I know touchdown is coming very soon. My job will soon be finished and I expect there will be a sense of relief that the job is done, but then will come the overwhelming emptiness of it all. I'm not sure what to do with that yet.