The First Visit

They came today. Baby M somehow seemed to know something was going on. He was a bundle of energy and very affectionate this morning with me. Their red van pulled up and Baby M wanted to look out the window at them. When I went to pick him up to see, he ran away and seemed to feel overwhelmed. They knocked at the door and we opened it. I was holding M and they could see him and he could see them. I think he knew that this was his family. For me, it was very muck like seeing a dear friend after a long absense.

He played with his sisters first, all the children in the living room looking at the bowl of seashells.  We spied on them and all was well. It was beautiful. Then he suddenly wanted to sit with his mother on her lap. She was surprised because at first all her advances with him were not accepted. She did so well in giving him space and he was able to come to her on his terms.  They gave him a toy lion that roars and sings jungle themed songs and a toy telephone. He loved it. Then he went outside to play with the children.

We adults chatted and got to know one another better. We shared stories and of course talked about M. They marvled at his beauty. I wholheartedly agreed.

I made M his lunch of sweet potatoe, eggs, and a banana. His mother happily fed him his lunch and he said "Na-na" for his banana.Everybody cheered. He has been working so hard on his speech and it was good for him to say a word with him today.  Then they left. They will be back tomorrow.

My feelings are all over the place. I have not been able to label them.  I think once I can do that, I will feel better. This morning I was full of excitement and joy and had no room for sadness. But after they left, I felt my loss. I knew this would come, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with these feelings. Right now I feel very tired.